Question: “I’ve seen anal sex mentioned on your website, but how exactly do you do it?”

I’ve received a few emails asking questions like this one. So this blog entry will be dedicated to answering them.

Anal sex, as most should already know, is when an erect penis is inserted into an anus for sexual pleasure. It can be done between a man and a woman or a man and a man. It could also be done between two women if one is wearing a strap-on.

Sounds simple, right? You’d be wrong, plus you’d have one angry partner if you just stuck it in him or her. For the receiving partner to enjoy anal sex, more preparations are needed than vaginal sex.

The first step: Cleaning

One of the biggest reasons people do not want to have anal sex is because of poop. With proper cleaning, that “icky” stuff can be avoided.

A healthy rectum usually does not contain any fecal matter unless the bowel is full. So there should be little need to clean it out (especially if a bowel movement has been had recently), but an enema can be used for those who want to make sure the rectum is clean.

Healthy people who do not want to use an enema, but still want to have a clean anal area should make sure to wipe well after having a bowel movement. Using wet wipes, rather than toilet paper, will help further clean the anal area. The anal area should also receive attention while bathing or showering. Make sure soap is used. A soapy finger pressed into the anus and swirled around could even be done to help keep the rectum clean. However, the soap needs to be washed out or it could cause rectal irritation.

The second step: Relaxing your partner

This is the most important step to anal sex. If you don’t want to hurt your partner (if you are giving) and want to have anal sex again, it is best to relax and get your partner in the mood first.

The anus does not have the elasticity that a vagina has, so before a penis is inserted into an anus, the anus should be stretched out. This is usually best done with fingers. Start with only one finger and use plenty of lubrication (Astroglide is a good brand to use). However, before inserting a finger, the receiving partner should be helped to be more relaxed and in the mood.

This can be done by giving attention to his penis or her vagina, either through oral or manual stimulation. After the receiving partner is feeling more arousal and relaxation, a finger with lubricant can be slowly worked into the anus. It is important the receiving partner is told before this is done. Remember, communication is a must before and during anal sex.

While the anus is being gently stretched out with the finger, there are other things that can be done to make it more pleasurable for the receiving partner besides giving attention to the penis or vagina. One example, if the receiving partner is lying on his or her stomach, is to lean down and gently kiss or nibble on the side or back of the neck. Softly blowing in to the ear could help too. Or gently massaging the receiving partner’s butt may help him or her relax as well.

Don’t let what has been listed here limit you, do things that you know will arouse your partner and you know your partner will enjoy. It will make the experience better, plus will make your partner more willing to have anal sex again (the more he or she enjoys it, the more likely he or she will want to do it again).

When it feels like the anus has stretched out enough for the first finger a second can be added. Again, communication is important. If the receiving partner doesn’t feel comfortable with another finger, wait until he or she does. Then continue on from there, adding more fingers as needed, until the receiving partner feels ready for the actual anal sex.

Step three: Going in

Once you’ve gotten your partner ready, you still shouldn’t stick it right in. The best way to make sure your partner will enjoy the anal sex is to take your time and make sure he or she is comfortable.

The first part of this step, and an important part, is finding a position the receiving partner can be comfortable in. Some people like to be on their hands and knees. Some find it more comfortable to be lying on their back with their legs raised and spread, while others like to lie flat on their stomach, finding it easier to relax while being penetrated.

Remember to communicate with your partner and let him or her choose the position he or she wants to be in. The position isn’t limited to the ones mentioned either, any position that allows you access and is comfortable to your partner will work.

Once a comfortable position is found, the giving partner should put on a condom if one is going to be used. Regardless if one is used or not, make sure to use a lot of lubricant. However, if a condom is used, make sure the lubricant is water-based. Oil-based lubricants can damage condoms, making them more likely to break.

After a generous amount of lubrication has been added to the penis, it should be slowly inserted in to the receiving partner’s anus. Communicating with the receiving partner during this period is important to find out if it is hurting or if he or she is uncomfortable. If it hurts, the anus needs to be stretched out more. Anal sex should not hurt.

It is important to note, that the colon has a 90 degree bend in it. This means that it is possible for the penis to reach a point where it cannot go in any deeper. In cases like this, it is better to not force the penis any further in.

When the receiving partner has become more use to and comfortable with the penis inside him or her, the giving partner can begin to move faster. The pace should not go any faster than the receiving partner wants it to, however.

You should now be at the most fun point of anal sex, the actual anal sex. Remember to listen to your partner, so you don’t go too hard or fast. It can also be a good idea to reach around and stimulate your partner’s penis or vagina, which will increase his or her pleasure.

Final comments

I know there are people who are more experienced with anal sex and like it faster and rougher than how I have outlined it, which is fine. However someone likes anal sex is his or her own personal business. This entry was more focused on those who do not know how to have anal sex or are new to it.

Hope you have a great time.