Question: “You gave a how to on anal sex, how bout one on oral sex?”

I recently received an email asking about oral sex. I’ve decided to answer it here. The sender was asking about oral sex performed on a guy, so I’ll be focusing this post on fellatio (oral sex on men). I’ll detail other forms of oral sex in later posts.

Oral sex (fellatio) is rather easy to do. Just use your mouth, tongue, and lips to stimulate a man’s penis. This can be done through kissing, licking, softly nibbling, or sucking. Biting could be done too, but most men don’t like having their penis bit.

Of course that really doesn’t explain how to do oral sex. So to better explain it and help both the receiver and giver enjoy it more, here are some tips and ideas for you if you are receiving or giving.

Tips if You are Receiving

Being Clean

Before you receive oral sex, you should clean your genital area. This is easiest done while taking a shower. Cleaning yourself will remove any unpleasant smells that could be present, which would be a turn off for your partner. Who wants to put a smelly penis into his or her mouth?

Flavor of Semen

What you eat can affect how your semen tastes, and if you are willing to make oral sex as enjoyable for your partner as possible, you should eat things that make your semen taste better. Besides, if your partner likes the way you taste, he or she is more likely to do it again.

Improving the Flavor of Semen

Below is a list of foods and other things that should improve the taste of your semen.

-Acidic fruits can cause a pleasant, sugary flavor. This includes melons and pineapple.
-Celery can sometimes reduce semen’s bitterness.
-Cinnamon can sometimes mask bad semen flavors.
-Drinking a lot of water daily is important, because it flushes toxins out of the body.
-High-quality and naturally fermented beers or sake can make semen taste sweeter.

Making Semen Taste Worse

Below are foods and other things that can cause your semen to taste bad.

-Alkaline-based foods like fish and meats can cause a bitter or salty flavor.
-Asparagus can make semen taste awful.
-Chemically processed liquors can cause an extremely acidic flavor.
-Onions and garlic can sometimes carry their flavor to semen.
-Smoking heavily can give semen a bitter taste or just a bad flavor.
-Too much dairy can give semen a foul flavor.
-Too much coffee can give semen a bitter flavor.

Listening

When you are receiving oral sex you should listen to your partner. If he or she does not want you ejaculating into his or her mouth, you should try and make sure that doesn’t happen. If he or she does not want to be ejaculated on, you should try to avoid that too.

Telling

Telling your partner what you like is important. If you don’t speak up, your partner will not know. So letting him or her know what you like can make it more enjoyable for you.

Tips if You are Giving

Listening

Listening to your partner is one of the most important parts about oral sex. If he says he likes something, do it. If he says he doesn’t like something, then don’t do it.

Protection

Unless you can be sure your partner is free of any diseases, it is best to use a condom. Do not use a lubricated one. A flavored one can be used to enhance your enjoyment.

*Note* Do not put the condom on with your teeth. This could cause it to rip or tear and to later fail during the oral sex.

The Oral Sex

Now it’s time for the actual fun to begin. Here are some steps and tips to follow. You don’t have to follow them, but they should give you a general idea of what to do. If you can think of other things to do, then do them, just make sure your partner enjoys them.

1. The first thing to do is make the penis erect. For some men this will happen before there has been any real physical contact. Other men will need some stimulation. Softly stroking, kissing, or licking the penis should be enough for you to make it erect.

*Note* If your partner’s penis is uncircumcised, you will need to pull back the foreskin. Using your saliva, moisten the area around the foreskin, then using your fingertips, gently pulls the hood down. You can keep it down at the base of the shaft or move it up and down along the shaft, but avoid tugging and yanking on it.

2. With the penis now erect, you could tease it with your lips or tongue or it could be brought in to your mouth. To begin, take a hold of its base and form an “O” shape with your mouth, covering your teeth with your lips. Then in a smooth motion, slide the penis as far in to your mouth as comfortable. Hold for a moment, then slide most of it out, and repeat. Continue an up and down motion, and use your tongue to tease the penis and keep it wet.

3. While his penis is in your mouth, you can also lock your lips around it. You could twirl your tongue around the tip of the penis, or tease its underside. You can also suck, but some men find that uncomfortable. So if you do suck, do it lightly, or make sure your partner enjoys it.

4. Keeping some eye contact with your partner while you are performing can make the oral sex seem more intimate.

5. Making sounds of pleasure while his penis is in your mouth can excite him further or at the least shows you are enjoying yourself. He should like that.

6. Remember to use your hands. Most men like to have their shaft stroked while getting oral sex. You could also massage his perineum (the area between his testicles and anus) with two fingers.

7. To increase your partner’s enjoyment, you could try inserting a well lubricated finger in to his anus. When your finger is inside completely, you should be able to massage his prostate gland. Doing so can cause more enjoyment, but if this is something you don’t want to do or something your partner would be against, don’t do it.

8. Eventually your partner will orgasm. You should have already told your partner if you want him ejaculating in your mouth or on you. If you wanted neither, hopefully he listens. If you didn’t mind having it done in your mouth, you can either spit or swallow. If you decide to spit, don’t feel ashamed or bad. Some people just don’t like swallowing semen.

9. If you did not want him ejaculating in to your mouth or on you, you and him could switch to vaginal sex (if you are female) or you could finish him off using your hand.

Deep Throating

Most people have heard this term, but did you know it comes from a porn movie called Deep Throat? To give good oral sex, you do not have to deep throat your partner. If you want to, the biggest obstacle you will be facing is the fact that there is a bend of almost 90 degrees at the back of your mouth leading down into your throat. So getting into a position that straightens it out is key.

You can try this by kneeling down in front of him while he is standing with your head tilted up towards him. Or you could lie down flat on a bed on your stomach with your head also tilted up. Basically, any position you find comfortable that could help reduce the 90 degree angle should work.

The next obstacle to deep throating is your gag relax. If you can relax the muscles in your throat, you should be able to avoid gagging. You will also need to keep them relaxed throughout the entire process or you could find yourself gagging. This may take some practice to perfect. Some people may not be able to remain relaxed the entire time though, while others have a strong gag relax that they will not be able to overcome.

If you find you’re unable to deep throat, do not feel bad. Deep throating is not crucial for a man to enjoy oral sex. Most of the nerves in the penis are concentrated in its head, not the shaft. The only real advantage to deep throating is the psychology thrill it can cause a man.

Final Thoughts

I hope this has helped you, and don’t let it be an end all guide. Oral sex is all about pleasuring your partner, so don’t worry about what is written above. You can follow it, but make sure you do things your partner enjoys. That is about the best advice anyone can give you in regards to oral sex or any sexual activity. Communication - when you both learn each other’s likes and dislikes, it will always be better.

Question: Could you tell me which of the STDs can’t be cured?

This question was emailed in and while the information that answers it can be found on this website, I thought I would put all the information together in one place (here).

The sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) that can not be cured are Cytomegalovirus (CMV), Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Herpes, Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), Human Papillomavirus (HPV), and Molluscum Contagiosum virus (MCV).

Cytomegalovirus (CMV) is a very common virus that a majority of people will be infected with by the time they are 40. Most of those infections will occur during childhood and won’t be through sexual contact. For people who are healthy, CMV will usually lie dormant or cause symptoms so mild they will be confused with other illnesses’ symptoms.

People who have a weakened immune system or are born with CMV can have severe complications. The antiviral drugs ganciclovir and valganciclovir can be used to try and control the virus, but won’t cure it.

Hepatitis A is a viral infection that can damage the liver. Most people will have symptoms from it, but taking an immunoglobulin (a protein that fights infection) can help reduce or prevent symptoms from occurring.

There is no cure, but people with healthy immune systems will fight the virus off.

Hepatitis B is a viral infection that can damage the liver. Some people will have mild symptoms or no symptoms at all from it. In most cases a healthy body will fight the virus off, but for some people the infection can become chronic.

If an infection becomes chronic, the anti-viral drugs interferon, lamivudine (Epivir), adefovir dipivoxil (Hepsera^TM), entecavir (Beraclude^TM), and peginterferon (Pegasys®) can help manage it.

Hepatitis C is also a viral infection that can damage the liver. Most people will not have any symptoms from it, but will usually have mild to moderate damage done to their livers. In most cases the body won’t be able to fight the virus off and the infection will become chronic.

The drugs interferon, alpha interferon, pegylated interferon, or a combination therapy of ribavarin and interferon can help treat the infection, but will not cure it.

Herpes is caused by the herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) and herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2). Usually HSV-1 causes oral herpes while HSV-2 causes genital herpes. Most people will be infected by at least one of the HSV types.

Symptoms of herpes come in episodes and can be mild and confused for other conditions. For people who have more severe symptoms the anti-viral drugs Zovirax® (acyclovir), Valtrex® (valacyclovir), and Famvir® (famciclovir) can help reduce the frequency of reoccurring episodes.

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) causes Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). People infected with HIV may not show any symptoms for years. A diagnosis of AIDS occurs when HIV has done severe damage to the immune system. AIDS can cause people to become very ill and die.

While HIV does not have a cure, anti-retroviral drugs can slow it down and prolong people’s lives.

Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is the name of a group of viruses that include more than one hundred different strains of the virus. Only about thirty of these strains cause genital warts and of those thirty, only a few are considered high risk and can cause cancer.

Health care providers can remove the warts caused by HPV. That will not cure it, but will prevent it from spreading to other areas of the body.

Molluscum Contagiosum virus (MCV) is a fairly common virus that infects the skin. When it infects people around the genital areas it is considered an STD. Most people will not have any symptoms, those that do will experience round bumps.

While MCV does not have a cure, people with healthy immune systems will be able to fight the virus off on their own.

As you may have noticed, I did include STDs that the human body can usually fight off. While that could be considered a cure, it is not a medical one, and someone without a healthy immune system would be stuck with the STD.

Healthy or not, some STDs will be lifelong infections, so remember to be safe and use condoms.

Question: “I’ve seen anal sex mentioned on your website, but how exactly do you do it?”

I’ve received a few emails asking questions like this one. So this blog entry will be dedicated to answering them.

Anal sex, as most should already know, is when an erect penis is inserted into an anus for sexual pleasure. It can be done between a man and a woman or a man and a man. It could also be done between two women if one is wearing a strap-on.

Sounds simple, right? You’d be wrong, plus you’d have one angry partner if you just stuck it in him or her. For the receiving partner to enjoy anal sex, more preparations are needed than vaginal sex.

The first step: Cleaning

One of the biggest reasons people do not want to have anal sex is because of poop. With proper cleaning, that “icky” stuff can be avoided.

A healthy rectum usually does not contain any fecal matter unless the bowel is full. So there should be little need to clean it out (especially if a bowel movement has been had recently), but an enema can be used for those who want to make sure the rectum is clean.

Healthy people who do not want to use an enema, but still want to have a clean anal area should make sure to wipe well after having a bowel movement. Using wet wipes, rather than toilet paper, will help further clean the anal area. The anal area should also receive attention while bathing or showering. Make sure soap is used. A soapy finger pressed into the anus and swirled around could even be done to help keep the rectum clean. However, the soap needs to be washed out or it could cause rectal irritation.

The second step: Relaxing your partner

This is the most important step to anal sex. If you don’t want to hurt your partner (if you are giving) and want to have anal sex again, it is best to relax and get your partner in the mood first.

The anus does not have the elasticity that a vagina has, so before a penis is inserted into an anus, the anus should be stretched out. This is usually best done with fingers. Start with only one finger and use plenty of lubrication (Astroglide is a good brand to use). However, before inserting a finger, the receiving partner should be helped to be more relaxed and in the mood.

This can be done by giving attention to his penis or her vagina, either through oral or manual stimulation. After the receiving partner is feeling more arousal and relaxation, a finger with lubricant can be slowly worked into the anus. It is important the receiving partner is told before this is done. Remember, communication is a must before and during anal sex.

While the anus is being gently stretched out with the finger, there are other things that can be done to make it more pleasurable for the receiving partner besides giving attention to the penis or vagina. One example, if the receiving partner is lying on his or her stomach, is to lean down and gently kiss or nibble on the side or back of the neck. Softly blowing in to the ear could help too. Or gently massaging the receiving partner’s butt may help him or her relax as well.

Don’t let what has been listed here limit you, do things that you know will arouse your partner and you know your partner will enjoy. It will make the experience better, plus will make your partner more willing to have anal sex again (the more he or she enjoys it, the more likely he or she will want to do it again).

When it feels like the anus has stretched out enough for the first finger a second can be added. Again, communication is important. If the receiving partner doesn’t feel comfortable with another finger, wait until he or she does. Then continue on from there, adding more fingers as needed, until the receiving partner feels ready for the actual anal sex.

Step three: Going in

Once you’ve gotten your partner ready, you still shouldn’t stick it right in. The best way to make sure your partner will enjoy the anal sex is to take your time and make sure he or she is comfortable.

The first part of this step, and an important part, is finding a position the receiving partner can be comfortable in. Some people like to be on their hands and knees. Some find it more comfortable to be lying on their back with their legs raised and spread, while others like to lie flat on their stomach, finding it easier to relax while being penetrated.

Remember to communicate with your partner and let him or her choose the position he or she wants to be in. The position isn’t limited to the ones mentioned either, any position that allows you access and is comfortable to your partner will work.

Once a comfortable position is found, the giving partner should put on a condom if one is going to be used. Regardless if one is used or not, make sure to use a lot of lubricant. However, if a condom is used, make sure the lubricant is water-based. Oil-based lubricants can damage condoms, making them more likely to break.

After a generous amount of lubrication has been added to the penis, it should be slowly inserted in to the receiving partner’s anus. Communicating with the receiving partner during this period is important to find out if it is hurting or if he or she is uncomfortable. If it hurts, the anus needs to be stretched out more. Anal sex should not hurt.

It is important to note, that the colon has a 90 degree bend in it. This means that it is possible for the penis to reach a point where it cannot go in any deeper. In cases like this, it is better to not force the penis any further in.

When the receiving partner has become more use to and comfortable with the penis inside him or her, the giving partner can begin to move faster. The pace should not go any faster than the receiving partner wants it to, however.

You should now be at the most fun point of anal sex, the actual anal sex. Remember to listen to your partner, so you don’t go too hard or fast. It can also be a good idea to reach around and stimulate your partner’s penis or vagina, which will increase his or her pleasure.

Final comments

I know there are people who are more experienced with anal sex and like it faster and rougher than how I have outlined it, which is fine. However someone likes anal sex is his or her own personal business. This entry was more focused on those who do not know how to have anal sex or are new to it.

Hope you have a great time.